When I was a young mom in my early thirties, I was living in New York City and working at the United Nations Headquarters. I was in the city that I had been dreaming of ever since I lived there during high school, and I was working in an organization that millions applied to every year. And yet, I clearly remember being in my neon lit office thinking “this is not living.” I was not happy. To top it all off, I had guilt about not being satisfied with where I was in my life, for wanting more. I had dragged my boyfriend from Geneva there and also moved away from my daughter from her father, which he was not okay with at all (understandably). And there I was, not feeling satisfied. Who was I to want more?
Every choice we make creates more impact than we imagine. And yet, there is no such thing as a mistake. Think of it as a GPS, always rerouting and adjusting, but with a destination that is unknown and ever changing. Our job is not to ignore that nudge when it shows up (and it always does), because it is pointing us to our authenticity, our power and our life purpose. Whether we choose to take one course of action over another (and no action is also a course of action), we must at least allow ourselves the space to reflect on this with full presence.
Having doubts about our lives is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes strength to course correct when we realize we have been living a life built on other people’s expectations and dreams, for example. It takes strength to acknowledge we have been giving away our power to another person unknowingly or acting in am underhanded, manipulative manner.
There are no short-cuts, no quick fixes, and believe me I’ve shopped around. At the end of the day it’s our mind set every single morning, our decisions moment by moment. And yes, even healers, therapists, professors and experts are human. So while we try to figure stuff out, both together and alone, let’s just remember to enjoy life. It is a mistake to wait till the next vacation, retirement, quota reached, etc. Make it a point to actively and intentionally inject joy every single day, even when you are making those tough decisions and paying all those overdue bill or even feeling bored.
I regularly get shocked responses when people find out that I turned fifty earlier this year. So as we all seem to love lists, here is a new one for you all.
Ten tips for aging gracefully, in no particular order:
Befriend your inner critic.
For most of my adolescent and adult life I had a very loud inner critic who would repeatedly tell me things like: “You’re a bad person”
“You’re too fat.”
“You’re a failure.”
“What is wrong with you?”
“You are embarrassing.”
At first this would create a lot of inner conflict, until finally we were able to sit down and hold space for each other, embracing and acknowledging our insecurities and other shadows as a part of ourselves to accept and not be in constant battle with.
Meditation.
I know this is a hard one for many, but there is no getting around it. When you meditate, you are giving your thoughts a chance to settle and the noise to quiet in your head. Yes, it may get louder at first, unbearably so, but then, with a little perseverance, comes stillness.
Reiki.
Of course I am biased, because I have been practicing and teaching Reiki since 2015 and it has literally changed my life. This Japanese energy healing practice literally cleanses us of negative energy. What’s not to love?
Keep learning new things.
I think the fact that I overcame embarrassment to learn jiu jitsu AND go back to school at age forty-eight paid off in helping keep a beginner’s mind. Learning new things has an amazing impact on your brain which then tells the rest of your body - hey, we are not in decrepitude mode yet. This is totally unscientific btw, just how I imagine things are going on in there!
Practice Mindfulness.
More than an annoying trend, mindfulness means I get to witness myself without judgment. I don’t practice it all the time, maybe not even most of the time, but even if I practice mindfulness 30% of my time, it makes a huge difference. Like when I am gardening, I consciously take a moment to really be present with the plants and acknowledge their aliveness; a side effect is that I am naturally filled with gratitude.
Avoid putting harmful chemicals inside and on your body.
Processed food is the worst thing you can ingest, and yet in the Philippines, it makes up a huge part of people’s diets. Processed food is basically anything that was made in a factory, or which you would not typically be able to make at home with household ingredients. I eat my share of processed foods (I love chips) but I try to make it more of a once in a while thing rather than an everyday thing.
The same goes with cosmetics like soap and shampoo, even cheap candles and incense. These all contain harmful chemicals that are not friendly to our bodies. Just be aware.
Keep moving your body, to keep it flexible and strong.
I was never an athletic kid or adult. Full disclosure: I joined a mountaineering group in college mainly because they had weed and cute guys. But as I got into my forties, I noticed a lot of older people around me were having all sorts of ailments like high blood pressure and diabetes, which are lifestyle and stress-related: ie. I could do something to prevent them. So I got curious and tried a few things and found a couple that brought me lots of joy and made them a priority (among many others).
Research!
How many times have I googled how to strengthen my bones, what I can do for mood swings, the best practices for intermittent fasting - you name it. I get information and when it resonates I experiment on myself. Some things work for a while and others don’t - but you can’t be lazy about it.
Don’t obsess over sleep.
I used to get stressed when I didn’t get the recommended eight hours of sleep, only to realize that I didn’t always need that much, and that the stress was more harmful than the actual lesser hours of sleep! A good rule of thumb is: if you sit in meditation and immediately fall asleep, you are not getting enough.
Breathe more deeply.
Most people breathe in a shallow manner that is not efficient. I always think of that Chinese maxim that says that we have a set number of breaths in our lifetime - so wouldn’t it make sense to make them longer? Breathing into the belly benefits all our organs, and our skin is our largest organ.
If you feel you need support with these, let’s get in touch!
From mountains to island, practicing equanimity, mindfulness and gratitude, one day at a time.
Snapshots from June in Martha’s Vineyard!
