Some of you may be aware of the six month virtual retreat with the Gene Keys I have been a part of, simply because I have been sharing about it over time. (check out podcast S2E3 with Mark Bentley to know more).
As the retreat is coming to a close, I wanted to share some of my greatest take-aways, which I have already shared with the GK community online, as well as IRL with close friends and in the safety of sacred circle.
Towards the end of the journey (author and creator Richard Rudd likes to compare the retreat to a ship, with over 2,600 passengers onboard), I came up to a great personal challenge. Now the current retreat focuses on the Venus Sequence, one of the three “pathways” that comprise the Gene Key system. The Venus Sequence is all about relationships, as containers for growth. From the start, I was encouraged to approach every relationship, big or small, pleasant or unpleasant, as an opportunity to open my heart. Sounds daunting? It sure as f*ck is. Give it a try, even for one day, let alone six months.
I always tell me students, as you gather tools to help you go through life (yet another journey), the obstacles don’t vanish, in fact they INTENSIFY. I use the image of a video game, where as you level up, the monsters get bigger and scarier, but so do your strengths and arsenal.
Back to my point: Five months into the journey, I was dealing with a relationship, which perhaps six months earlier I would have just completely cut off (in retrospect, I realise that I already had). However, being placed in the shoes of the novice, the initiate, who has yet to test her newly acquired knowledge and awareness, I stayed the course, and very simply put, decided to return non-love with love, for thirty days. I will not go into the details of the relationship, to honor the person’s privacy. But day in and day out, I was receiving rejection, and applying all I had in me, to simply receive it, and transmute it.
Why did I do this? Firstly, out of curiosity. In the past, I would easily drop a relationship for any number of reasons (Princess archetype). What would happen if I sat through the discomfort and pain of rejection, criticism and judgement? What was on the other side? I put my explorer’s hat on.
Next, well, I had committed to the teachings of the Venus Sequence, honoring each and every relationship, and this, I felt, was my graduating exam. Could I love myself and the other person enough for this relationship to survive?
Note: This is about a close family member, not some random human I just met, in case you were wondering.
Finally, as a teacher and keeper of sacred cacao medicine, I always talk about opening your heart, even when every cell in your body wants to shut it close… under the weight of generations of unprocessed trauma and abuse bearing down on your breast like so many ten-ton spaceships. Well, I have to walk my talk. After all, I help people with this, on a daily basis: heal relationships, process ancestral trauma, expand and open to more love including self-love.
So what was the result of this experiment, and the point of today’s post? The result is that going through this was one of the most beautiful experiences in my life. It was scary, painful, doubtful, ridiculous at times. It was also externally imperceptible, happening below the surface as I would go about my daily work, only to emerge at specific moments of aloneness, or when I was in a safe space for others to receive my share. It was TRANSFORMATIONAL and INITIATIC.
And the point? Mostly, gratitude to Richard Rudd and team for this epic retreat. This forms my personal testimony and I highly recommend it to those who feel ready for it, because it is quite challenging. I think it’s also good to be reminded that what comes up on social media is mostly fluff… the deep and decisive battles are occurring below the surface, and offline.
For some time now, I have been more intentional about spending time in nature. Since 2016, I have been organizing retreats, allowing people from my city and community to recharge and regenerate without having to board a plane. Creating and facilitating retreats is one of the favorite aspects of my work, and every single one is unique in its content, energy and magic. Even two retreats with similar activities in the same location will have completely different flavors due to the unique blend of participants.
Every circle, whether online or in person, overnight or fifteen minutes, creates a special bond between the participants. It has always been my belief that the people who show up at a certain moment always have something special to contribute to each other and to the session. Sometimes the contribution is unpleasant, as our best teachers can be the most polarizing ones, as they are the most direct pointers to our shadows. But more often than not, the gift is an uplifting, radiant one.
Our time spent to together in nature under the last full moon turned out to be a softening Yin practice, where we allowed body, mind and spirit to relax, unwind, and release tension built up from weeks, if not months, of challenges at work and at home. From cacao ceremony to Yin Yoga, we eased into each other’s stories, holding space for one another with tenderness. Perfect strangers feeling safe to been seen without judgement.
Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a pattern or loop? You are aware of it, but for some reason, cannot avoid it. Loops can be short-lived, like overthinking a problem to the point of exhaustion and insomnia. Or, they can span years and even decades, or lifetimes, for those who believe in reincarnation. Repeat failed businesses or relationships, can be patterns (they are not always).
When you are stuck in a loop, it’s hard to realise it. Oftentimes, you might need intense bouts of introspection, or the help of others who not only see the pattern you are caught in, but feel safe enough to share this with you. You, on the other hand, have to be prepared to face this reality and take action, if removing yourself from the loop is what you really want. Some people are attached to their loop, and the prospect of stepping outside of it is more terrifying than staying in the familiar pain. We all have free will – there is no judgement here. One of my great patterns I reproduced due to lack of self-awareness was following my mother’s story. She and my father did not see eye to eye early on, and separated while I was a baby. My mother then remarried, got divorced a second time, and is currently on her third (happy) marriage. She had me, her daughter, as only child. Similarly, I got married young and separated when my only daughter was small. Like my mother, I have two marriages under my belt.
As I saw myself reproducing my mother’s story, I felt helpless at changing its course. I did not have the tools I know possess to avert its unfolding, and yet, looking back, I know everything happened for a specific reason.
The different-sized loops have different protocols to address specific scenarios. As we are all unique, our loops are unique and so are the tools to deal with them. Loops can be made of shame, guilt, karmic debt.
If you feel like you could use help stepping out of your loops, whether big or small, send me a DM. I have several tools that can support you in this process. But first, you have to be willing to make the change!
Photo: Kayra Ranai
